Girlboyfriend
by Sos7
Summary: Kurt knows Puck would be happier with him
1. Chapter 1

Title: Girl (Boy) friend  
Author: pinch5  
Summary: Kurt knows Puck would be happier with him.  
Pairing: Rachel/Puck (shudder), Kurt/Puck  
Disclaimer: Oh god, if only I owned, the show would be a porno.  
A/N: It was stupid of me to go look at artwork from sevenswells. She did this to me. Blame her.

Kurt rolled his eyes as Rachel and Puck passed by him, hand in hand. He saw the slouch in Puck's stance and the pain of embarrassment scrawled across his face as he walked around school in a sweater vest. That Rachel Berry was pushing it. Puck was his friend and he wanted his friend to be happy (no matter what that happiness cost him) but Rachel trying to change Puck? Puck the stud? Was she insane?

Of course she was.

Kurt knew Puck would love him much more then he would love that girl. She was just an awful being; fuck her fabulous voice, without that (even with that) she was nothing. Kurt sighed, closed his locker and made his way towards the couple. He smiled warmly at Puck, who noticed him first but the warmness was wiped from his smile when Rachel turned to him.

"Puck, Rachel, good morning."

Rachel smiled at him (omigawd are her teeth gleaming. Wft), and hugged Puck's arm close to her "Good morning, Kurt! We are doing just great."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, he definitely did not just ask.

She closed her locker and handed her books to Puck who deflated with the extra weight before turning back to Kurt "And by the way, my boyfriend's name is Noah." She knocked into Kurt's shoulder as she walked away. Kurt stared at Puck shot him a sympathetic look before trailing after her.

Kurt stood pressed against the lockers for a moment or two before closing his mouth that had been hanging open.

"That _bitch._"

This meant war.

~!~

Kurt burned holes into Rachel's big ego inflated head the entire 5th period. Luckily the teacher had gotten sick of Rachel's inane giggles whenever Puck was near, so she had moved her across the room. Ripping a corner of paper from his note book, Kurt scribbled a question on the paper:

_How's that sweater vest treatin' ya?_

Kurt giggled behind his hand as Puck looked around the classroom wildly for whoever threw the paper before landing on him. Kurt waved and mimed opening the paper. Kurt watched as Puck rolled his eyes before writing something down and throwing the paper back.

I hate it! I feel like going hulk and ripping this shit off!

Kurt smiled at the frowny face Puck had drawn at the end of his sentence before writing a response:

_Oooo sexy! How about I bring you your gym shirt so you can change during lunch?_

Kurt threw the balled up paper at Puck, who was awaiting it. He smirked as he caught a tinge of blush crawling up the back of Puck's neck as he read the first sentence of the note.

Cute.

Kurt blinked as the tiny paper hit him between the eyes, much to Puck's surprise.

That would be so great! You rock 3

Kurt let out a tiny coo at the heart Puck had drawn him. He was sure the Rachel didn't even get an 'I like you' from Puck. Kurt looked up from the note when he felt like someone was staring at him. To his joy, Rachel was looking back at him; her eyes snapping from him to Puck, a look of betrayal on her face. Kurt rested his chin against his palm, smiled and raised and eyebrow at her, causing her to glare at him.

Kurt smirked and let his intentions show all over his face.

Be afraid Berry, be very afraid.

~!~

Kurt walked into the lunch room and immediately spotted Puck, who was ignoring Rachel as she pointed as his Mohawk. Kurt fought the growl bubbling in his throat because you do _not_fuck with Mohawk, especially when it was his Puck's Mohawk. Kurt schooled his expression into one of superiority and indifference as he walked over to Rachel and Puck's table.

"Rachel, Mr. Shue said he wanted to run a new solo by you before Glee."

Rachel brightened up and stood quickly "Really? Noah, darling, I'll be right back!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow she sped out of there as if one of her hideous skirts were on fire. Kurt snickered and sat down as Puck let out a sigh of relief. He dug the folded gym shirt out of his bag and slid it across the table towards Puck. Puck went for the bottom of the shirt, looking as if he was going to take it off but stopped shooting a look at Kurt. Kurt smirked and leaned across the table to get closer.

Puck raised and eyebrow before bringing his hands to the collar of the sweater vest and tugging hard, ripping it down the middle. To make the situation even better while ripping the sweater vest Puck yelled out "HULK MAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

Kurt tried his best not to ROFLMAO, but fuck, this was funny. Kurt died down from his laughter as Puck slid his shirt on and laughed along with him.

"So, this whore-cough- whole Rachel thing…how's it going?"

Puck scrunched up his face and Kurt huffed, stilling his head. He held his cheeks in his hands and looked him in the eyes, playfully glaring.

"How many times do I have to tell you, if you keep frowning you'll get those lines on your forehead and those are just terrible. I can't have you being ugly when we get together."

Kurt smiled as Puck shot him a wide eyed look as the blush spread all across his face stopping at the tip of his nose. Kurt couldn't help himself; he pulled Puck's face closer to him and kissed the tip of his nose.

Kurt heard a gasp from behind him and rolled his eyes before letting go of Puck's head, watching it drop to the table with a 'thud'

Kurt turned and leaned back on the table, pointedly looking away form Rachel "Oh, Rachel. I didn't see you there." He finished the statement with a dazzling smile.

Rachel looked lost and seemed to be stuck between rage, embarrassment and betrayal.

"What are you doing? With my boyfriend?"

Kurt pushed himself off the table and whipped his already perfect bangs to the side while looking up at the ceiling "Oh. Nothing much."

Kurt smirked when Rachel's jaw dropped to the floor in shock before walking past her, swinging his hips a little extra for Puck.

Take that, Berry.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Girl (Boy) friend  
Author: pinch5  
Summary: Kurt knows Puck would be happier with him.  
Pairing: Rachel/Puck (shudder), Kurt/Puck  
Disclaimer: Oh god, if only I owned, the show would be a porno.  
A/N: It was stupid of me to go look at artwork from sevenswells. She did this to me. Blame her.

Kurt swallowed his fear and knocked quietly on coach Sylvester's door. He didn't know how this was going to go, but this was for Puck. Kurt flinched when a harsh 'Come in!' was shouted at the door and opened the door softly.

Kurt smiled uneasily as Sue smiled at him.

"Hey there, pretty boy. What can I do ya' for?"

Kurt took the seat in front of Sue's desk and took a deep breath before blurting out his request.

"I want to coach the routine we're doing at the pep rally next week."

Kurt watched as Sue's eyes widened in disbelief before her face returned to the sarcastic smile everyone knew.

"Hummel, I'm going to have to give that a big fat N-O. I've created every award winning routine the Cheerio's have ever done and I won't let a pale faced, living decomposer ruin my perfect record."

Kurt sighed and put his hands on Sue's desk, leaning closer to her.

"Coach Sylvester, you and I both have something in common. We both thrive on victory and we both hate Rachel Berry."

Sue's face broke into a contemplative frown before she leaned back in her chair and motioned for him to continue.

"Rachel Berry is currently dating Noah Puckerman and I certainly don't approve of it. She stole him from me and I will not lose to girl who has more puppy sweaters then my own grandmother. The routine I have thought up will ultimately break her and Noah apart and send him straight to me. Knowing Berry, she'll hold a massive grudge and may refuse to come back to glee club, just because I'm there. After that the demise of the glee club is in the bag."

Sue's face broke a calculating grin and leaned over her desk to be face to face with Kurt "I thought you were down with all those little gleeks."

Kurt smiled and primped his already perfect hair "its small price to pay for ultimate victory."

Sue grinned at him and clapped him on the shoulder, making him wince in pain.

"I never knew were so cunning, Hummel. I thought that ridiculous haze of hair product surrounding your dome stifled the thinking process."

Kurt rubbed his aching shoulder and smiled at Sue "I learned from the best."

Sue looked at him happily and spoke "You bet your flat ass you did! We've got a deal, Hummel. But I warn you, if this routine is anything less than perfect, I _will _turn you into a woman."

Kurt, who had no words after that threat, nodded quickly before exiting the room.

~!~

Kurt parked his car in the lot the next morning and whilst fixing his hair in the rear-view mirror, he couldn't help but see Puck bending over the trunk of his car.

'Wow' Kurt thought. 'Look at the ass on that boy!'

Kurt jumped out of his car and slammed the door behind him, making sure his uniform was presentable before walking over and knocking on the open hood of the trunk. Puck jolted in surprise before straightening and letting out a sigh of relief.

"Wow, don't you look happy to see me. You're here pretty early; you wouldn't be running away from Rachel would you?"

Puck looked appalled at the accusation and sputtered out an answer "N-no! I am the man of relationship, I don't run from girls!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Puck's lame excuse and crossed his arms "Really, now."

Puck deflated under Kurt's solid glare and pouted at the ground "She wanted to come over and dress me before school. You have to understand Kurt; she was going to make me wear pink." Puck grabbed Kurt tightly and held his face to face "Hot pink."

Kurt fought off the urge to swoon at the fact that Puck was so close that he could smell his cologne and patted Puck's head sympathetically.

"That is a real problem, anyway are you coming to the prep rally next week?"

Puck shrugged and leaned back on the closed trunk of his car. He raised his arms and stretched, giving Kurt a wonderful view of his abs. Kurt couldn't help rake his eyes over the upper body of the jock, his shirt was so tight every contour of his body was begging for him to taste and was that a nipple ring? God how Kurt would have loved to-

"Kurt!"

Kurt snapped his eyes off of Puck's body and onto his face which had a confused puppy look etched all over. Kurt discreetly wiped his chin for drool and actually began to pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth.

"What do you think?"

Kurt inwardly smirked at that open ended question _about your ass, well it's so nice. I bet it would be really firm, what I wouldn't give to just grab handful a squeeze. You could bounce a quarter off that shit!_

"I'm sorry; I've just got so much on my mind lately, what were saying?"

Puck let out a sigh, completely oblivious to the fact he was getting visually raped and turned his eyes to the sky "I don't know if I want to go. I mean, now everywhere I go Rachel has to come with because she still thinks I'm a whore and I'm cheating on her. It's not like I'm ashamed to be seen with her, it's just that I need my man space, to be able to go out without an animal sweater choking the shit out of me! Do you think I'm a bad boyfriend?"

Kurt put on a concerned face for Puck as if he was really caring about his problem, however on the inside he was doing back handsprings and fucking triple flips! What were the odds of him getting a sad Puck to console and hold and grope! Life was so good and it was just bound to get better.

"Oh, Puck of course not! I understand if you need space but Rachel is the kind of person who believes any space in her space and now that you're her boyfriend you have like conjoined spaces. Do you know what I mean?"

Puck looked as if he was trying to decipher a very hard puzzle before he shook his head.

"No."

Kurt chuckled gathering the muscular boy in his arms.

"Puck, I understand if you feel suffocated by Rachel sometimes, but that's how she is. You're going to have to live with that."

Kurt grinned when Puck dropped his head into the crook of his shoulder, utterly despondent "I don't want that!"

Kurt sighed and brought one arm to rub at the back of Puck's head murmuring "I know, I know…"

While his other hand was busy having a field day. To Kurt, having Puck pressed up this tightly against him was absolute heaven. Kurt couldn't help but let his hand linger lightly of Puck's ass and by God what an ass it was.

Kurt snickered when he felt Puck tense after a particularly hard squeeze.

"Did you just…"

Kurt released Puck and began to walk backwards to the front entrance of the school. He waved at Puck, yelling a reminder.

"Well, bye Puck! Don't forget to bring Rachel to the pep rally!"

Kurt turned and walked into the air conditioned hallway, this was going to be so good.

Oh, so good.

~!~

~A WEEK LATER~

The day of the pep rally Kurt found himself with a face full of Rachel Berry, happy and pepped and smiling a Colgate smile. Kurt raised an eyebrow and shut his locker slowly before leaning on it and facing Rachel.

"Hello, Rachel. What brings you here?"

Rachel smiled wider at Kurt, all teeth and gum and Kurt swore that they actually sparkled. Kurt squeaked as she latched on to his arm and began walking them down the hallway.

"I know we've been going through a rough patch in our relationship as performers and friends because of that Noah chose me over you to be with and because of you horrible long lasting crush. I know reopening an old wound, just like Finn. As of recently I think you've become desperate and started acting like a rabid slut to try and take Noah away from me and that really hurt me. But I just thought you would like to know that I graciously accept your apology."

Kurt used all of his self control not to suddenly tense his arm so Rachel would just slip and go flying. Instead his gently pulled his arm back, bringing them to a slow stop.

"Apology? What apology?"

Rachel tilted her head as if that would help Kurt's confusion "You don't have to act so embarrassed, I think it's great you're finally accepting your loss. Noah told me that you invited us to the pep rally this afternoon."

Kurt felt a devilish smile creep upon his face and he gave Rachel a small chuckle "Right, the pep rally. I just want you to know Rachel, you and Puck have front row seats."

Rachel grasped onto his hands staring up at him happily "Really?"

Kurt smiled once again and he swore if this went on much longer he was going to give himself diabetes.

"Yes, of course. Only the best for McKinley High's power couple."

"You are the best Kurt; I can't wait to see your routine! I'm going to find Noah, maybe we can match shirts and pom-poms this night is going to be magical!"

Kurt watched her back retreat, his smile dropping dramatically.

"You bet it'll be."

~!~

Kurt stared down at the group of teenage girls clad is red and white uniforms.

"Girls, I want you to know something and this, this is important. Tonight will be the night where you may become the greatest generation Cheerios to ever walk theses. When you're out there you have to remember, they came out tonight to see you, to see us! We are at the top at this school, we run everything and if anyone gets in our way we take no prisoners. Do you understand?"

"Yes!"

"Now tonight's routine is special because this may just be the thing to get you that guy or girl you've had your eye. He or she is taken, not a problem tonight is where you can throw it in their faces and not look like you're trying to hard. But girls I want you to bring it; I want everyone to be eyes dead set on us. Pick a man, except Puck, or pick a woman and entice them through the entire number because you know what girls?"

"What?"

"Because we deserve all eyes on us, we deserves to be treated like Queens, we are the Cheerios! Now lets go out there an tease them!"

"Yes Kurt!"

~!~

The lights dim and Kurt signals Brittany's and Santana's line of girls to head after him.

_Yeah, little mama you lookin' good_

_I see you wanna play with a player from the hood_

_Come holla at me, you got it like that_

_Big, Snoop Dogg with the lead Pussycat_

_I show you how it go down, yeah, I wanna go down_

_Me and you, one on one, treat you like a showdown_

_You look at me and I look at you_

_I'm reachin' for your shirt what you want me to do_

Kurt and the girls slinked out of the hallway just as Snoop Dogg's verse ended; Kurt wasn't going to sing for a little bit, it was time for a little teasing.

_Typical and hardly_

_The type I fall for_

_I like it when the physical_

_Don't leave me askin' for more_

_I'm a sexy mama (mama)__  
_

Kurt rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip and dragged it down the front of his body bringing the attention back on him. The girls on either side diagonally across from him pushed their hips forward gently, raising their pleated skirts in the process.

_All the right things all night long_

_But I can't seem to get you over here_

_To help take this off_

_Baby can't you see (see)_

_How these clothes are fittin' on me (me)__  
_

At this point the entire crowd was dazed from this impromptu sex show they were given, they almost creamed their collective pants when after that line of the song everyone started to show some skin. Kurt and the team in unison raised their shirts to expose their abdomens and run their hands across them. Kurt smiled to himself and bit his lips as the haze of lust washed over him.

_And the heat comin' from this beat (beat)_

_I'm about to blow, I don't think you know_

_I__'m telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)_

_But you keep frontin' (uh)_

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

_I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)_

_But you keep frontin' (uh)_

_Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)_

Kurt and the rest of the team dropped to their knees as the lights dimmed again and the song changed, causing all of the girls to giggle silently. An upbeat guitar riff began to play and the team began clapping their hands in sync whilst getting up at the same time.

_Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend__  
__No way, no way, I think you need a new one__  
__Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me__  
__No way, no way, you know it's not a secret__  
__Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend_

The girls formed a circle around Kurt making sure the focus was on him as he sang. Kurt made sure before he began singing to lock eyes with Puck.

_You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious__  
__I think about you all the time, you're so addictive__  
__Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright?__  
__Alright, alright, alright__  
_

Kurt pointed at Puck in the crowd and licked his lips, closing his eyes in imaginary bliss. Kurt slid his hands down from his chest to the 'V' of his hips to show Puck what he could really do to make him feel all right.

_Don't pretend, I think you know I'm precious__  
__And so yeah, I'm a damn good princess__  
__I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right__  
__I'm right, I'm right, I'm right_

Kurt blew a kiss to Puck and twirled his way to behind the group as the got on their knees to signify he was a princess

_She's like so whatever__  
__You could do so much better__  
__I think we should get together now__  
__And that's what everybody's talking about_

Kurt grinned as he pointed to Rachel and made a face of annoyance, brushing away the air as if she was next to him in person and could be done the same. Kurt drew a picture of a heart with his fingers around Puck's face as the girls surrounded him and pretended to chat on phones.

_Oh, in a second you'll be wrapped around my finger__  
__Woo, 'cause I can, ?cause I can do it better__  
__There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?__  
__Hey, she's so stupid, just what were you thinking?_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger__  
__'Cause I can, cause I can do it better__  
__There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?__  
__She's so stupid, just what were you thinking?_

Kurt froze as the girls surrounded him in a V formation and they twirled their fingers around, and pumped their chests outward. The girls twirled so that they could gather around Kurt as he pushed his hands downwards causing them all to crouch on the ground. As Kurt sang 'she's so stupid' all the girls pointed at Rachel while Kurt glared playfully at Puck.

_Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend__  
__No way, no way, I think you need a new one__  
__Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend__  
__No way, no way__  
_

Kurt stood in the finished formation as the song ended and waited for the applause. Kurt couldn't help but let out a quiet snort as Rachel ran out of the gym bawling her eyes out. Kurt winked at Puck was he sat there wide eyed and drooling a little bit. Kurt stumbled as Coach Sylvester barreled over and threw an arm over his shoulder.

"This was a complete success, you're like a less attractive and intelligent version of me when I was in high school."

Kurt smiled and took off his headset "Of course I am."

~!~

Kurt walked out of the girl's locker room after changing and walked out to the parking lot. He had been searching for Puck all afternoon and had had no luck. Kurt couldn't help feel disappointed and a bit embarrassed; he had probably scared Puck away by acting like a 'rabid slut' as Rachel so eloquently put it.

Kurt sighed as his looked down into his gym tote for his car keys and walked blindly to where his baby had been parked. He'd have to call Mercedes tonight and tell her she right, and he _hated _that and she would tell him to apologize to Rachel and he would shop at Wal-mart before he did that becau-

Kurt let out a surprised grunt as he slammed into a warm obstacle and began to fall backwards only to be grabbed gently, but firmly and set up right. Kurt was about to give said person a piece of his mind when recognizes those hands gripping his shoulders; he's had so many fantasies he would crazy not to remember.

"Puck!" Kurt gave Puck a huge smile, but it drooped a bit at the uncomfortable look on the jock's face. Kurt stretched out a hand and stroked his cheek.

"What's wrong Puck?"

Puck leaned into his touch but still looked uncomfortable, maybe even a little bashful.

"Nothing, it's just that…we, uh, I, I think…that…uh…"

Kurt stared silently as Puck stuttered his way through his confession, his baby was so cute, he just wanted to eat him up, in more ways than one. Yeah, that would be nice. Kurt was brought out of his, very tasty, fantasy as he felt a pair of warm lips pressed to his own.

Kurt kisses back slowly and giggles as he feels a scattered blush warm up Puck's cheeks from the place of his hands. Puck pulls back his head and their lips and the bottom lips stick together for a second more before pulling apart. Puck rests their foreheads together and whispers quietly into the air.

"I think I need a new girlfriend too."

Kurt nearly squeals before using his car keys to unlock his door and shove Puck backwards inside of the backseat.

Yeah Berry, take it.

Take it hard.


End file.
